Harry wakes up alone. He wakes up disoriented. Hungry. He stumbles through Dyster. He beats someone to death and when he’s done, picking bone shards out of meat and choking food down like a ravenous animal there are no features on the body to distinguish it as a man or woman. But for a moment his mind was clear. There was bliss.
That’s what it must’ve been like for him.
For days he is confused. He cries, sometimes. He doesn’t feel sad, and he’s just accepted that his body is going to do these things anyway. His emotions make him tired and when he’s not working he’s crashing.
…But anyway, that was weeks ago. All the while his old nightmares continue as scheduled. Better dreams sneak in alongside them.
xxx
Harry drifts when he’s alone with his thoughts and his heart has pumped all the cocaine out of his system. Ever since the movies, everything in his head has been more jumbled than usual. He’s drifting when he’s checking the mail. He stops when he spots Alfred’s letter.
When he’s done reading, he shoves the letter in his pocket, wipes his wet face and rushes out for the roof. Alfred’s in a castle now? He can find that from the air.
xxx
He’s thought a lot about Alfred. He’s played back the whole thing over and over in his mind. Sometimes he takes artistic liberties with the reconstruction in his head. It doesn’t dampen his confused, messy feelings. It does make his dick hard, though. He feels guilty for this. Last night he imagined it was all the same but Alfred was choking him at the moment of his death- not the way Jean did, bruising and crushing his windpipe- but with the same gentle cruelty he teased him with before, one handed, the other playing with his soul.
He spots him from the sky, as he circles over the castle. He’s never seen a castle before so it didn’t occur to him that he wouldn’t just be able to knock on the door.
“Hey! Alfred!”
He doesn’t want to startle him when he lands so he yells out first. Then lands next to him.
Then he hugs him very hard.
EMPATHY - (You've left him to worry for so long, Harry.)
cw: references to violence, choking, sexual references, Harry typical dysfunction
That’s what it must’ve been like for him.
For days he is confused. He cries, sometimes. He doesn’t feel sad, and he’s just accepted that his body is going to do these things anyway. His emotions make him tired and when he’s not working he’s crashing.
…But anyway, that was weeks ago. All the while his old nightmares continue as scheduled. Better dreams sneak in alongside them.
xxx
Harry drifts when he’s alone with his thoughts and his heart has pumped all the cocaine out of his system. Ever since the movies, everything in his head has been more jumbled than usual. He’s drifting when he’s checking the mail. He stops when he spots Alfred’s letter.
When he’s done reading, he shoves the letter in his pocket, wipes his wet face and rushes out for the roof. Alfred’s in a castle now? He can find that from the air.
xxx
He’s thought a lot about Alfred. He’s played back the whole thing over and over in his mind. Sometimes he takes artistic liberties with the reconstruction in his head. It doesn’t dampen his confused, messy feelings. It does make his dick hard, though. He feels guilty for this. Last night he imagined it was all the same but Alfred was choking him at the moment of his death- not the way Jean did, bruising and crushing his windpipe- but with the same gentle cruelty he teased him with before, one handed, the other playing with his soul.
He spots him from the sky, as he circles over the castle. He’s never seen a castle before so it didn’t occur to him that he wouldn’t just be able to knock on the door.
“Hey! Alfred!”
He doesn’t want to startle him when he lands so he yells out first. Then lands next to him.
Then he hugs him very hard.
EMPATHY - (You've left him to worry for so long, Harry.)
LOGIC - (But why?)
“I’m sorry.”