Sometimes, Alfred doesn't quite know what to make of Harry. He knows he likes the man, even if he seems sort of...lost, much of the time. He's been there at a couple of his lowest moments, gentle, trying to help in his own way. When his horns had twisted open, he had brought serenity, kindness.
And now...he had given up his very soul to help sustain him. The idea sits heavy, still jangling around in him, resounding like the clapper in a bell.
Harry's words, his tears cut through that infernal ringing, though, sadness giving way on his young face in favor of gentle concern. Without thinking, he moves his hands upward from the man's waist to his cheeks, fingers hot as he wicks the moisture away with the calloused pads of his thumbs.
"...Who you are is my friend, Harry," he finally croaks, soft and shaking. "You - you haven't hurt me, not at all. I'm just...I'm scared. I'm so scared. Losing control like that was...was...."
Rapturous? That’s what it is for Harry, a release. His consciousness and animal self cease struggling against each other and fall into a harmonious dance. Then there's only meat and snapping bone. His eyes flutter close. He trusts Alfred, so let him see that. He lets his ruddy skin and whiskers write a map of the pads of Alfred’s fingers on his face. He’s the only one who touches him like this- and he preens at the attention, feathers literally fluffing up. He murmurs.
“You have really nice hands.”
INLAND EMPIRE - (It's terrifying. To see the furies. You can scarcely imagine it, Harry. For you we’ve simply always been here.)
[Always?]
INLAND EMPIRE - (Always.)
EMPATHY - (Alfred is a stranger to his own violences.)
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - (His desires.)
CONCEPTUALIZATION - (Desire is inherently violent. It takes and breaks. There is no such thing as a benign desire. Wanting something will change the shape of it forever.)
He opens his eyes.
“I’m glad we’re friends…I know you’re scared- once I tried to kiss a man and I bit him instead. It’s frightening. I was so scared I started drinking again, but Kim found me. He helped me find someone to eat- a corpse, and we went home.”
He hasn’t spoken of this before, it comes out of him slowly. Time has passed, he’s much more ashamed of his relapse than the bite.
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And now...he had given up his very soul to help sustain him. The idea sits heavy, still jangling around in him, resounding like the clapper in a bell.
Harry's words, his tears cut through that infernal ringing, though, sadness giving way on his young face in favor of gentle concern. Without thinking, he moves his hands upward from the man's waist to his cheeks, fingers hot as he wicks the moisture away with the calloused pads of his thumbs.
"...Who you are is my friend, Harry," he finally croaks, soft and shaking. "You - you haven't hurt me, not at all. I'm just...I'm scared. I'm so scared. Losing control like that was...was...."
He threatens to break again, eyes welling up.
cw: reference to relapse
“You have really nice hands.”
INLAND EMPIRE - (It's terrifying. To see the furies. You can scarcely imagine it, Harry. For you we’ve simply always been here.)
[Always?]
INLAND EMPIRE - (Always.)
EMPATHY - (Alfred is a stranger to his own violences.)
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - (His desires.)
CONCEPTUALIZATION - (Desire is inherently violent. It takes and breaks. There is no such thing as a benign desire. Wanting something will change the shape of it forever.)
He opens his eyes.
“I’m glad we’re friends…I know you’re scared- once I tried to kiss a man and I bit him instead. It’s frightening. I was so scared I started drinking again, but Kim found me. He helped me find someone to eat- a corpse, and we went home.”
He hasn’t spoken of this before, it comes out of him slowly. Time has passed, he’s much more ashamed of his relapse than the bite.
“We aren’t alone here, like we used to be.”